What I Learned from My Mommy :)

Yes, it's another milestone.  Those that know her well, know which milestone birthday this is.  For those who don't already know, I like that my mother & I are friends and I'd like to keep it that way so I won't rat her out.  However, it's a milestone nonetheless so I thought I'd reflect on some of the things I've learned from my wonderful "Mommy" (as I still call her) over the years.  Please keep in mind, these are in no certain order.

1. Not quite sure how to phrase this one but it's like this - I try to be very involved in everything my boys do.  With Ethan - I'm very involved in PTA, help out with field trips, school parties, take cake pops or cup cakes to school for his birthday, I try to help with Uptown at church as well.  With Alex & now Cameron - I'm very involved in the preschool area of church - teaching, leading worship, helping in the nursery - whatever is needed.  I help with homework, read books, play games, sing songs, kiss boo-boos.  I also work full time and others ask me how I can do all those things.  My mom worked when Megan & I were little, then she stayed home for a while when Jes & Annie were little - sometimes she worked, sometimes not but the one constant that sticks out for me is that I remember her helping with PTA carnivals, being a girl scout troop leader, cooking dinner every night, teaching us how to cook, how to iron, how to do all those things.  She did all of that whether she was working out of the home or as a stay-at-home mom, when she was in school part-time & full-time and when she was working part-time while going to school full-time.  She did all of that.  I don't want to sound pompous but I think I turned out fairly well & I think that's got a whole lot to do with the stability that I had in knowing my mom was always there & always involved in everything.  I want the same things for my boys & as long as they aren't embarrassed by "mom" being at school all the time (which I'm told won't be forever), I'm taking full advantage.
2. When canning, yes, salt is a preservative but there is such a thing as too much salt - however, potatoes can save the day.  We had a huge garden which was often something I dreaded & hated with a passion (I have an entirely different view of this now but it's a bit late to realize it, I'm afraid).  I remember one year - likely one of the first years - my mom canned, there was an entire batch of green beans that she slaved over that were .... let's say, uneatable.  Keep in mind there were likely 2 toddlers around at the time of this canning period as Jes & Annie were likely not in school yet so she had several distractions which were likely the cause of whatever happened but I remember nonetheless a batch of home-canned green beans that needed a little more bean to go with the salt.  I know today that if you add to much salt to something, you can put a raw potato in it & it'll absorb some of the salt.  I don't recall us throwing out that entire batch of beans & while I can't remember the actual conversation or events that prove it, I'm fairly sure that a potato or 2 were used to help unseason that batch of green beans as we did, in fact, eat them.
3. No matter how much you think your parents can or have embarrassed you - they have been embarrassed far worse.  I honestly can't remember what would bring up these stories because I can't really remember my mom embarrassing me (my dad? oh yeah - that I can recall).  But I do remember hearing stories that started like - "well, when I was about to go somewhere with my friends [or a boy] Mom would ask me if I had clean underwear on under my skirt and pull up the skirt to check" - that's probably not exactly the story she'd relay but it was something about Grandma pulling up her skirt to check for clean underwear or cutting off her skirt because it was too short so she might as well not have been wearing one.  I think that was it - the short skirt thing - and it was likely said when she was telling me to change or pull the skirt (or whatever) down because it was too short but at least she wasn't like Grandma who would just cut it off in front of someone if I didn't go change - at least she was doing it in private.  Honestly, I don't remember wearing short skirts so it could have just been she was trying to make us thankful that she'd been scarred for life by such things so would never do them to us.  
4. Making fudge takes patience & attention - do not attempt with young children underfoot.  The thing is - this is something I should have learned from my mother but clearly didn't.  Mommy makes excellent fudge but some batches are much better than others.  She can also scorch a pan of fudge better than anyone I know.  I think I have her beaten though.  She'd usually scorch the fudge when making it when others were awake & running wild...when the kids were in bed or only one of us in the room to "help stir," things went more smoothly.  I should have remembered that but this year when making fudge, I'd clearly forgotten.  It won't happen again.  I don't recall Mommy ever making fudge that didn't turn out unless she scorched it which usually only happened once a season & then she'd get it out of her system.  I, however, managed to cook it so long that it was actually scorched (smelled burned) and as hard as cement.  Do you know how long you have to cook & stir fudge to get it so hard it's beyond the "hard crack" phase?  I do - it takes 42 "ALEX!!!!," 30 "ETHAN TANNER WATERS," 65 "BOYS!!!! SIT DOWN" all followed by 5 minutes of timeout for both of them & then the realization that your candy thermometer has said the same temperature since the 30th Alex which was way before the timeout clock started counting....aw crap!  As soon as I took it off the stove & poured it, I knew 2 things - 1) it was going to be a brown brick & 2) I am never allowed to comment on Mommy scorching a pan of fudge again because this takes the cake.  
5. You can't do homework in front of the TV.  I was a good student but that's not necessarily because I studied all the time because I didn't.  However, when I did, it wasn't in front of the TV.  Homework was done at the kitchen table or in my room (which had no TV).  Homework was also done before TV.  It's a rule Ethan doesn't like (neither does Steve when he's home) but oh well.  Ethan does watch TV before homework but that's because I'm not home.  I get home from work & fix dinner.  We eat - Alex goes upstairs to watch TV & Ethan & I work on homework (without TV in the living room) until it's done.  If he wants to watch TV, he has to finish homework.  If he doesn't finish until time for bed, no TV.  He can't focus with distractions so his brothers and the TV both have to be upstairs.  So Ethan, thank Nana for teaching me that.
6. When your mom asks "how's school" don't tell her "boring."  What you mean when you say "boring" is that School.  Is.  Boring.  What your mom hears is that you are bored because you aren't challenged by school and therefore need to be challenged.  Mommy went to school or more than one occasion complaining that I wasn't challenged and they needed to do something about it.  That's how I went to some type of math and science camp one year while Megan got to go with our extended family to the beach.  It's also how I went to Girl's State another year (a thing about government) after spending the weekend at the lake & falling asleep in the sun getting a blistered face (great way to meet new people) - I went to Girl's State while everyone else either stayed a few more days at the lake or went home but either way, they weren't at an educational type camp-like thing with a blistered face.  OK - so in the long run, those things were pretty beneficial to me and especially the math/science thing might be part of why I'm good with computers but still - I missed the beach & then had a blistered face.  Don't tell your mother you are bored - it doesn't mean the same thing to you as it does to her.  If you are bored - she thinks she needs to fix it.  I promise you, life will be simpler if you tell her school is AWESOME!
7. In an emergency - it doesn't help to freak out; if you are a mom, you don't get that luxury anyway so just suck it up & get the job done.  My little sister had a seizure - my mom took her to the ambulance & went to the hospital.  She looks fine they said - she disagreed.  Then she seized on them & then realized she might be right.  My cousin was visiting & had a bike wreck - busted her arm wide open.  I stood there looking at it and kind of freaked a little - my mom looked at me & told me I wasn't helping & to knock it off (cousin is about 8 years younger than me).  I tried to gag in silence while my mom tried to staunch the flow of blood.  She got it slowed down but still it required an ER visit.  So about a year later (maybe more; let's face it, my perception of time is extremely messed up) I'm home with my brother (I feel like Annie wasn't home but I can't for the life of me figure out where she was) - Mommy was at work (as an RN or Aid, not sure which) - it was raining - a drizzling kind of rain.  It was pretty much the same weather conditions as when my cousin wrecked when she was riding bikes with Annie.  Jes is riding with his friend & I told them to stop because of the rain cause this is how the other accident happened.  But I'm his older sister & he's fearless so he said something to the effect of "nah, I'll be fine."  Again, my perception of time is really screwed but I really do think it was only about 5 minutes before he started screaming.  He was right - he was fine; his friend, on the other hand, wrecked and slid on top of Jes down the fine graveled part of our driveway.  I sent the friend home & took Jes in the house & immediately called Mommy at work.  I said something to the effect of "it's not as bad as the last time but they wrecked on their bikes & there are rocks in his knee & how do I get them out & fix it."  She set about telling me where lidocaine or something that would sting like crap but numb him up was & how to sterilize tweezers, etc.  Long story short - we did that for a bit & then Jes resorted to soaking in a bathtub & scrubbing the rocks out himself just so I wouldn't keep torturing him by digging out the rocks.  Keep in mind when other bloody things happened, I totally freaked & was completely unhelpful - my mom was rock solid.  This was my first experience being the rock solid one.  That has served me well as I have 3 boys with Alex who at age 3 had 3 scars on his head already as the middle of those 3 boys.  By the way, this is my chance to say just one more time, "Jes - I told you so.  Don't ride your bike down the driveway in the drizzle.  You'll wreck - it'll hurt."
8. The best gifts are not things you buy.  When you have a rather large extended family and a family with four kids in your immediate family - it's not all that feasible to buy gifts for everyone but my mom always made sure we had something for my dad for his birthday or father's day or Christmas as well as grandmothers and Aunt Audrey.  Now don't get me wrong, when we were little, I'm sure she either did it for us or bought something for us but from the time we could do stuff ourselves - we helped bake Christmas goodies or made things.  We did needlepoint or crochet (not me so much with the crochet as I am not remotely good at it).  When we went to Louisville each year at Christmas, we always went with a box or can of cookies and/or fudge that we had helped make as well as a gift of some kind for Aunt Audrey & Grandma Recktenwald.  A few years ago Aunt Audrey brought me something for Christmas.  She told me it wasn't much, just something little but she remembered how we always had something for her at Christmas and she wanted to get me something, too.  When Grandma Recktenwald passed away, someone brought me a box of embroidery thread that she had had as well because of all the things I'd embroidered for her over the years as well.  I can't remember half the things that have been bought for me over the years or things I've bought for others but I remember pretty well things I've made for people and I remember seeing them in their houses & thinking "hey, I made that."  Those things make a lasting impression.
9. You can't really teach independence I don't think but I think I got it from my mom.  It's not that she wanted me to not "need" her but she taught me, us really, how to do everything in life.  Some moms do it all for you - your laundry, your cooking, cleaning, etc.  Oh yeah - as a teenager, I envied those people.  Not today.  She taught us how to do laundry, how to clean (I still stuck at that today), how to iron (I still hate that but do it well today when needed), how to cook, how to bake (harder than cooking).  Anything you would need to know to be able to live by yourself without a full-time maid, butler or lackey, she taught us how to do.  By knowing that I could do all those things on my own, most other things don't really intimidate me.  As I've said before, I like to know things, so if I can read the instructions, I can figure it out.  If I need to do something, I'm confident in my ability to figure it out on my own.  Yes, I'm a weakling, but I can find a way to do even something that it takes some muscle to do.  The car wouldn't start one day when I was leaving from work - it was 30ish degrees outside, I was probably about 5-6 months pregnant with Cameron & Steve was at home with a flat tire on the van & no air in the spare so couldn't come to my rescue (something was wrong with the van anyway). I got someone at work to jump start the car & Steve told me to go to Autozone & they'd test the battery but I needed to go to Walmart first.  I should have listened because the car wouldn't start again at Walmart only now it's dark & no one would help me.  At Autozone they will do this for you - but this Walmart didn't have the TLE so they wouldn't do it for me.  I was on my own - I bought a ratchet set & a battery & went out in the dark - by the light of the store signs & street lights & changed the battery in the Camry.  It took me over an hour to get the battery out & 1) I'm stubborn so wouldn't outright ask anyone to help me & 2) I'm pigheaded so thought they should just offer so 3) I froze but finally got the corroded, rusted battery bolts off the battery to put the new one in & the Camry started right up.  See - even a weakling, given the right tools, can get a rusted bolt loose enough to change a battery.  Yes, it would have been easier to do it if I'd listened to my husband (happy, honey?  I admitted it publicly) and went to Autozone but my mom taught me that I can do anything I put my mind to and I should never listen to anyone who thinks I can't.  I'm quite certain she's told me that over the years and she's right - I can do anything I put my mind to.  It may take me longer than it should, but I can do it.

OK, as I've said, these are in no certain order - just as they came to me & I totally left out that she taught me anything you bake tastes better if you've burned yourself in the process (it seems to be true but I'm not sure why - the best things she made she burned herself while making & I seem to do that, too).  As I said, I am quite happy to say I am friends with my mother - I hope that's true after some of the stories I've mentioned above (salty beans for example) but I wanted to write about her because I am who am I and I am the mom I am to my boys because of who she is and the lessons I learned from her - some she taught, some I just picked up from hindsight realizing what all she did for me, for us, over the years.  I love you very much, Mommy.  I hope you've had a wonderful birthday & wish I could have spent it with you.  The boys & I made you something special with the help of their cousins & aunts & uncle.  We hope you like it.  Happy Birthday!

What My Daddy Taught Me

Today was a really wonderful day.  The sky was beautiful, moods were mostly upbeat and, best of all, it was my Daddy's 65th birthday.  I really couldn't ask for a better dad so I thought I'd take a few minutes to note some of the things I've learned from him:

1. Everyone deserves a second chance and some deserve a third or fourth.  I won't name names but I can think of several examples where he's been burned by an event or a person and he's still been right there to help them or try it again time and time again.  There are other times when people have just needed a second chance at their lives, to start over, to get on their feet.  He's offered his home to several over the years - some stayed a short time others stayed longer.  They just needed a second chance - he's been there; he understands.  He wants them to know they are worth it & life is worth it.  I think at least one of them (maybe more) got a third or fourth chance to start over - a spot on the couch or spare bedroom more than once to just get it together.  
2. Every problem has a solution.  If you think about it long enough, ask for help when you need it; you'll figure it out.  The solution may not be what you had hoped but the problem will be solved none the less.  He had a car that got him from A to B most of the time but if he needed to go someplace farther than B, like from A to M; he borrowed a car.  The solution?  Car accident caused totaled car = new car that will easily go from A to M or even Z if needed.  Maybe not the solution you hoped for (who wants a new car that way?) but the car problem is solved after all.  
3. Life will pass you by if you don't stop to enjoy it a little bit.  Busy weekend, flying by?  Let's go for a hike where we can just talk - no tv, no music, just us, the mountain, the trees & maybe some singing.  This one also taught me to love nature and to long for the mountains in the fall when the leaves are all different colors.  God's beauty is everywhere in those mountains - I had a chance to see that when growing up and going on those hikes but didn't really appreciate it until I grew up and moved away.  
4. It might be easier to assemble or repair something by reading the directions but it's much more interesting (& time consuming) if you just wing it.  You may have spare parts when you are finished, but if it still works, you didn't need them anyway.  I can't think of anything specific for this one but I also can't think of anyone that knows my dad that wouldn't agree with this statement.  Who has time for directions - that takes all the fun & guess work out of it.  This could actually be my fault though.  He tells me that when I was 5ish, all I wanted for Christmas was a book of instructions.  When he asked "instructions for what," I told him "everything."  Apparently I did get a book (or box) full of instructions that year for Christmas so maybe he never uses instruction manuals because he gave them all to me?  Possible only if that book (or box) got more full the past 30+ years each time he got something else with instructions and I'm pretty sure that didn't happen.
5. People make life interesting - not just places or events you've been to - but the people you've done them with.  Boring things are made more interesting by the people.  We had many 2+ hour car rides growing up; he always lived about 2 hours away so he could come get us on the weekends.  Portable DVD players didn't exist; CD's didn't exist (in the beginning); cell phones didn't really exist & those that did came in a bag & didn't work in the mountains & were for emergencies only.  So what do you do when the radio station goes out?  You play Dan Fogleberg....ummmm, no thank you.  Oh, that's right, you talk to yourself in the rearview mirror with yourself pretending to be the character of your dog, Ernest Timothy Rathbone, who speaks with a British accent despite the fact that he lives in Eastern KY.  Yep - that keeps your children occupied for long periods of time in the car.  
6. Parents are supposed to embarrass their children & usually they don't even have to try.  It's the 80s and he's still a hippie; it's the 90s and he's still a hippie.  The sad part is, I should have been embarrassed by this but wasn't.  Most people seemed to grow out of that at some point but here it is 2013, he's 65 years old and he has still not grown out of it.  It's just a little quirk of his that I love too much to be embarrassed by it.  
7. Be true to who you are, not who others think you are or want you to be.  See #6 above re: Hippie.  If he grew out of it, he wouldn't really be him anymore.  I was a shy kid and not always the happiest - he'd take me on a hike just me and make sure I knew how wonderful I was.  "You know you're pretty wonderful [or great] just the way you are."  
8. If someone needs a hand, give it to them.  If they've done something great, clap for them.  If they have fallen down, help them up.  If they need to move, help them.  If you have plans, but they broke down - help them.  I remember my dad & I were driving to Louisville when I was in college I think, to visit my grandmother.  We passed a car that had on flashers on I-64.  My dad is not a small man and I think we're driving his Toyota Tercel hatchback.  The car was driven by a black lady who had at least 3 family members with her.  They were on their way to Louisville as well, car was dead.  I think my dad may have loaned them his phone to call her son (who they were going to see).  He had me get out with him to check on them so they wouldn't be freaked out by this large white guy coming towards them (did I mention it's late at night & dark as pitch except for a couple of street lights).  The verdict was that the son could come get them but they'd be sitting there for at least another hour.  We're going that way anyway - let's shove every piece of luggage we can into the trunk and we'll take you to Louisville and you can come tomorrow to get the car in daylight.  Her 3 passengers in the back seat, she & I in the front passenger seat & my dad driving.  We probably left a note on the car about coming in the morning to pick it up.  I think they really couldn't believe that he offered to do this but he kept assuring them that I was proof he wasn't a serial killer or something I think.  We took them to her son's house which I'm pretty sure was in a part of Louisville we shouldn't have been to after dark, dropped them off & went to Grandma's.  They needed a hand - we gave them one.  
9. Post emergency phone numbers by every phone and make sure you have a working phone before starting something stupid dangerous.  One of the houses my dad lived in was directly beside my aunt and uncle's house separated by their driveway.  Someone had a new (to them) tractor or something that was rusted (or something) and needed to be cleaned - I'm not sure which of them it was.  My dad and uncle decided to clean it with gasoline - apparently whatever the issue is could be cleaned with gasoline (it was a long time ago, I can't remember exactly).  This can't end well, right?  So before they started, they moved the thing out of the driveway, right, so it wouldn't be between the two houses?  Nah - we got this.  I don't remember much about this (& I'm not even sure I was there, I may have just heard about the event) but something happened and then all of a sudden my dad is running around like a chicken with his head cut off yelling to every person he can find "QUICK!  WHAT'S THE NUMBER TO 9-1-1?"  Ummmm, 9-1-1?  I think it actually was but it hadn't been for long - this was basically the boonies so fire, ambulance & police had individual numbers.  He wanted to call the actual fire department because the tractor (or maybe it was a lawnmower?) was on fire right between the houses.  While he was running around trying to find the number & call, I think my uncle got the fire out but I'd just about bet if you go to my dad's house, you'll find emergency numbers by most phones and some other prominent locations.

So this may not be a complete list (definitely isn't - he taught me to change a tire & change the oil & build stuff & & &), it's some key points, some funny points, some serious points and above all some great reasons why I love my dad so much.  He is a truly amazing man with many friends and family that love him dearly for so many reasons.  I, at least, can freely say that I am a better person for having him in my life.